i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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