The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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