So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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