She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
