if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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