I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
