how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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