Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
