bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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