lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
