we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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