he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
did i walk over a car last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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