I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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