And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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