hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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