My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Randomize
