mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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