Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
