I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
