Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
