Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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