At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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