I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
