I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
