Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
