If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
