bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
