Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
a search helicopter?!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
