sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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