covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
