Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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