I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
