I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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