Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
