Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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