i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
