I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
