Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
