My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
