Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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