Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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