..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
