I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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