i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
