I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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