Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
