i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
