great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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