I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
