# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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