I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
