peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
